wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You made out with two different species that night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
