how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
