I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
