dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
