We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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