I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
