you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
