Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
