Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
