Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
