just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You ate ashes out of my bong
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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