shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
