you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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