I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
