So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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