Pappa wants mamma naked
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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