i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
