i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
time to smoke my breakfast
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
