I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
