If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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