so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my poor anus
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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