I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I forget how to act sober
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