I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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