why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
