U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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