Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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