the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
