respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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