Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
