it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
