my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
