did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
