You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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