I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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