woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
