watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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