If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
