My sheets look like a crime scene.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
