C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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