It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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