We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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