Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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