I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
