I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
