I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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