i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need moral support for this bender
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
