margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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