I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
