You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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