O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
