My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
