i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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