i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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