And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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