I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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