He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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