Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
