you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
