youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
