fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
