You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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