if only i could text you this smell
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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