He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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