if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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