mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
