i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
