she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
