i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
