McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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