my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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